The fire lit with purpose becomes a beacon.

There are moments in life that do not feel symbolic.

They feel cellular. Ancient. Remembered by the body long before the mind can fully understand them.

During my sauna master training, deep within the woodland, I experienced one of those moments.

I had been working with the sacred energies of the snowy owl, Arianrhod, the Sun and Sunna for some time, all archetypes of sovereignty, cycles, intuition, truth and rebirth.

The snowy owl had taught me stillness and observation.

To stop grasping.

To stop over-explaining.

To stop abandoning myself in the hope of being chosen.

Arianrhod | goddess of the silver wheel and fate, had been pulling me toward the understanding that cycles repeat until they are consciously broken.

• 

And Sunna…

Sunna, the Nordic Goddess of the Sun, in her chariot pulled by two white horses, she was eternally chased across the sky by Sköll, the wolf.

This became a mirror I could no longer ignore.

And in that forest, something changed.

On the 21st May, exactly 14 years after ending my seven-year marriage, another seven-year cycle came to an end.

We began the day around the camp fire. Sharing stories and connecting our souls.

I work with sun energy a lot and this day was no different. We pulled Goddess cards around the fire, showing us the path ahead.

Again, the sun was in my hand. I was elated. It felt so poignant, like these chain of events had real meaning and purpose. And I HAD to listen to them. I couldn’t turn away. I had to step towards it.

We had also selected a woodland animal to work with or to bring message to our situations. The Coyote and Datura card came to me. The Coyote master of deceit, The Datura flower beautiful yet extremely poisonous, warns of deceitful charms. This sat heavy with me.

I felt ashamed.

Because I realised,

yes, I have been deceived.

But more than that…the sun shone light on the shadow found in deceit.

I had deceived myself.

For the last 20 years, my personal life has replayed old wounds, old attachments, old cycles of abandonment, survival and self-sacrifice.

And still I stayed.

Hoping.

Holding tighter.

Believing it would eventually transform into something safer, softer, more loving.

At times it did.

And, when the cycle returned, as it always does when are stuck in them, it catapulted me further into hyper vigilance, self doubt, depletion, chronic illness, disconnection from myself and my inner knowing.

I was holding everything so tightly because I was terrified to let go of what had defined me for so long. Limiting beliefs systems, acceptance of poor behaviour, both from me and towards me.

Inside the sacred heat of the sauna, encased in birch and oak löyly, this space held so divinely by wonderful souls I was training with, I scrubbed my body with birch-infused salts and covered my third eye and throat with ash from the divine sauna offering.

The sacred feminine and masculine of the forest.

Birch, bringing rebirth, cleansing, softness, intuition.

Oak, providing strength, grounding, protection, rooted wisdom.

Together they became alchemy.

The forest outside held the same balance.

Soft moss beneath powerful ancient trees,

light moving through shadow,

warmth held within wilderness.

And within me, those energies were finally beginning to reconcile too.

When I emerged from the sauna and stepped barefoot onto the soft earth, something primal overtook me.

I fell to my knees on the moss and grass, surrounded by hazel woodland and rolling hills.

And I birthed that stagnant energy out of myself.

The grief.

The fear.

The victimhood.

The survival.

The attachment to who I had needed to be in order to survive.

It felt like death.

But sacred death.

The kind that creates space for rebirth.

And as I eventually stood and walked slowly back toward the forest clearing, sunlight moving through the trees in soft golden patterns, I looked outward toward the hillside…

I saw a wolf.

Looking back at me.

And in that moment, I understood.

“You aren’t here to chase me anymore.

You will not devour me.

Maybe I could be safe in my inner forest,

Maybe I could befriend the wolf and return equilibrium. “

The cycle was broken.

Not through force.

Not through rage.

But through surrender, truth and release.

And there, in the sacred heat and breath of the forest, held by birch, oak, fire, ash and earth, a rebirth took place.

We were never born to be consumed by

Sköll . Once we step into our intuitive thoughts, our inner knowing and sovereignty, we shall be released, we shall be made free.

All my love,

Penelope ☀️